I am starting a new series on weird things that I am finding in the news.  Here is a guide to the best Towns in the Country to Visit UFO’s. Woohoo!

I used to know a family on the Western slope of Colorado.  The Mother of this family was terrified of UFOs and her rotten sons did their best to keep her fear alive.  From attaching string to furniture to move from another room to strategically placed timers on lights, they kept her jumping for years.  

I guess I shouldn’t speak.  My sister and I had a Barbie torture chamber when we were children.  I think that we were driven more by boredom than anything else. There are only so many things that you can do with barbie-dolls.  You can change their clothes. Try making them kiss Ken dolls. Make them ride the Barbie horse. That’s about it. Yet young girls are expected to derive hours of entertainment from these dolls!  We were too creative and smart for that kind of boredom.  Thus, the torture chamber. We had a little Barbie-bed-of-nails, we could draw and quarter the Barbies with the Barbie horses. This opened up more possibilities. Mutant Barbies!  Did you know that Ken’s arms fit on Barbie leg sockets?  Weird but true!

My mother got worried

When the neighbor girls started bringing their Barbies over to our house because their mothers wouldn’t let them torture their Barbies at home. This weird phase passed eventually, like most do and the mangled barbies were banished to a box in my closet where they lived until I was in high-school.  

One morning, my mother came into my room, tore my covers off and stood at the foot of my bed giggling.  Then she informed me that I still had an hour to sleep and skipped out of the room. I found out later that as a child in the Convent, when the nuns woke her up she always wished that she had one more hour of sleep.  So when she woke me up, my mother was inflicting a childhood fantasy on me!

Out came the box of Barbies…

I dug out a few, created perfect little Barbie nooses and hung them from the rod in my closet The next morning, when my Mother brought my laundry in and opened the closet door to hang them up, she screamed, dropped the laundry on the floor,  shouted “you’re sick!!!” and stormed out of the room.

Now who’s rotten!